why am i so fat?
i tried veri hard to slim down
but nth works.
i am still the 'HUGEest" in any of my clique.
i dun feel nice.
i look fatty n oily.
ppl must be thinking that i am very greedy..
thats y i am so fat.

i find it so damn difficult to get clothes.
so many factors i have to consider.
1. breast
2. arms
3. tummy
4. thighs
5. excess fats.
when everyone can just simply get a free sized shirt.

can somebody tell me how?
i could nv be confident in such a fat body.
cannot find nice bottoms which can fit me.
everything in my cupboard is the same style.
dresses to hide my disgusting lard.

ppl can buy simply almost anything in TAOBAO or any shopping areas.
but i carn.
i even need to say bye to the clothes i like..
n see my fren buy it home.



i admit that is my fault to yak loudly in class.
even though i am toking..
doesnt mean we are nt listening to u.
we DID soften down n listen to u
coz u are our fren.

but why must u ask us to fuck ourselves?
even if u are angry..
it has nth to do with fucking ourselves.

If you were in my shoes, you won't feel offended meh?
Yes, you will. Don't lie. And you will start gossiping away among your clique.
NO. i wun. is just chatting, n you are my fren. so i wun mind.

if i rly dun treat you as a fren.
i wouldnt haf forgiven you about the ps me thingy.
it hurt me so deeply, but i still chose forgive you.

At least I dare to blog it out and show how I really feel. ((:
is not bout whether i dare to blog not.
is that i dun wanna blog it out n hate dat person's feeling or wad.
i din ask you to fuck urself.
at that pt of time i am only upset that i am forgotten.

have you haven thought of how i feel?
when the other class ppl ask me bout u all..
i always tell them that u 2 are the best n nicest ppl.
den suddenly..
i kanna stab so many times.
how shd i explain?
i am like an idiot who trust the wrong person.
if it wasnt ding xuan who told us,
i din even noe U ask me to fuck myself.

i dunno unhappiness alr arise.
i still treat you as a fren..
i din noe that you wrote those stuffs.
i rly cannot believe wad i saw on ur blog.
no one understand why u did this.
we thought you noe that we RLY treat you as a fren.
nth's got to do with 虚伪ness.



autumn is finally here.
weather is much more cooling n fun..
we dun haf to sweat like a pig anymore..
no longer freaking hot 36 degree le..
haha..

but i dun think i will do well for my studies here.
haish.
here..
got so many alien things to study.
business, web design all there still alright..
but 国学、楚文化 sure die de lor.
haish.
year 1 got chinese literature i alr get D lor.
den hai wo de GPA got 2.1 only.
but now hao bu rong yi got 3 de overall GPA.
i dun wan it to go down agn.
haish.

my classmates are nice ppl.
but when it comes to studies..
our standards so much are diff.
they noe too much.
n becoz of them.
the teachers tot our standards are as high as them.
i feel so sad lor.
the other class de standard so normal lor.
everyone is almost the same.
so gud.
no fight no stress.
damn sad lor.
my class de standards..
haish.
the curve is super steep.
from year 1 jiu veri stress le lor.
come here oso lidat.
i dunno what to say le la.
i noe i wun be able to do well in china.
haish.







all these days..
so busy with earning $$..
n preparing things for my china trip.
TML i will in china.
today is my last day to be in singapore.
no more local food..
no more local drama..
no more gud nite kisses..
no more msgs from frens..
FOR 5 mths sia.
some ppl think it isnt long.
but it is super long for me.
haish.
enough of naggings.
time to continuing packing. :(



haish.
life is so damn boring.
sometimes i oso thinking whether i shd continue lidat.
i dunno wad to do lo.
i dun feel secure.
no one dere to make me feel loved.
everything oso money.
who is the #%$^%$^ who invented $$?
haish.

work kanna scold.
the bastard p******
crazy lo.
i working next room leh.
why mus come disturb me since i am not in ur area?
send me home?
send lo.
tired of working here oso.
if i got long holidays i alr search for other job le.
sianzation.

sian.
freelance reporter..
keep writing n writing onli.
so bored.
wad shd i do when i return from CHINA?

I feel tired on this earth.
can somebody tell me how?
how i wish there will be somebody to pamper me.
how i wish when i need to buy something..
how i wish someone will carry all my problems..
how i wish someone will always be dere for me.
haish.

i am not mad or crazy.
i just want someone to understand me in n out.



finally everything is over.
no more reports n presentation for this sem anymore..
dunno whether wuhan need anot..

but..
i noe that my report wasn't well written..
alot of typo..
alot of phrasing prob..
i rly tried my best to vomit out the 10 000 + 800 words.

i noe that i did not present well enouf.
SHI laoshi told me that i shd have spoken louder.
CHEN YING look bored..
haish.
i knew i will mess everything up.
i was so nervous that i did not even look at my notes.
i forgot everything n i was just blabbering to myself.
i hope they will be lenient..
and everything turns well.

PLS bless me.
i need to have good results.
dun let me be the lousiest agn.
always tried my very best but fail..
pls dun make me feel disappointed.
i hate the feeling.
i need this chance to excel..
coz i noe i will do worst in CHINA.
PLS!!!
i dun wan to to brand "stupid".

after today deadlines will not be that tight anymore.
5 more stay n spa to go..
but i will have more time to write coz no need to rush other things.
but i rly wish that i can finish asap.

i am tired.
slpt at 3 plus ytd.
gng to bed soon.
gud nite (:



I feel so damn irritating.
I felt cheated.
ppl every week got off days i dun have.
now ppl end attachment.
i still have to write.

I feel like asking UW to pay me some part time writing $$ now.
is not about enjoying u noe.
every one shd be entitled to 2 days off each week you noe.
but for 7 weeks.
i dun have.
i carn do my own things.

those ppl who say good is bcoz they are nt the ones facing this,
so they wun noe the feeling of not having your own time..
not having ur break time.
u have to be stressed for 7 days a week.
n u are only paid $440 per mth.

Anyone got ideas to help me fight for some benefits.
haish.



attachment finally ended.
but to me it hasnt ended totally.
i still have to finish:
5 more hotels write ups.
1 personality test
2 more recipes.

haish.
somemore still got sch's 10 000 word report ( i duno how m i gng to finish)
still got sch's 15mins presentation.
next week still got TP (sure fail agn de)
so bored lorh.
no time at all.
no life oso.

dear everyday oso work.
only like HI BYE only.
i feel so sad lorh.
but he dun understand.
haish.
he feels like i am stopping him from working.
NO.
i din.
will you be able to stand it if this is ur bf's schedule everyweek?
MON: sch den work (9 am till 11pm)
TUE: sch den work (9am till 11pm)
WED: sch den work (9am till 11pm)
THUR: sch den work (9am till 11pm)
FRI: sch den work (9am till 11pm)
SAT: work (9am till 11pm)
SUN: work (9am till 9am)

yesh.
u nv see wrong.
9am to 9am.
24 hours.
haish.
some more 11pm is just an estimated time.
sometimes he may be extended.

he dun have time for me.
even if i get to see him.
he will be in slping mode.

other ppl bf oso work.
but why they can leave a day for them?
i noe no $$ but i dun mind u working 1/2 day
den we can go out for dinner at night.

everytime i tell you to off 1 day.
u tell me cannot need to work.
haish.
even the eve of my bdae.
u oso work.
work till 4am somemore.
next morning slp till noon.
wake up go out with me.
but oso in tired mood.

i spent so much time planning a surprise for u.
but i got nth but a cake.
told me u got no time to buy present, u dunno wad to buy.
u could have at least bluff me that u are gng to work..
den u go buy..
but u din.
i oso have so much things to do.
but i put them aside n prepare everything.
rush here n dere.
u got a bike i dun haf but i can make the effort.
why carn you?
girls are lidat.
even though they noe that u love them,
u still need some actions to show them.
even valentine's day oso no surprise, no nth.
haish.
suddenly i feel so disappointed lor.
enough of complaining.
i have to continue my article.



haish.
ytd is a BAD day.
so damn sad.
the full time bully me agn.
ask me to do trans script.
but the recording totally suck.
cannot even hear.
i give so many ppl hear all say cannot.
haish.
i kip rewinding n rewinding.
the quality was bad.
guess wad she say?
"so long u only do lidat?"
i so sad lorh.
why she so bitchy?
i am dng you a favour lor.
i believe is u ownself cannot hear lorh.
if nt intern i sure fight with her de lor.
i complain to my boss and mentor.
my ear pain until i cannot tahan le lorh.
some more from morning until noon only listen ard 45 mins.
HALF A DAY to listen to 45 mins!
the recording is 1hr 45min!
so i cried~

i dunno whether this will affect my attachment. haish.

now i am at pan pac dng my stay n spa.
the spa wasnt that good.
but i like the room.
the pacific floor is great.
the club lounge is open 24 hr
so u can help urself to all the food!
yumyum~

guess wad?
next door SM..
i stick my ear dere to listen.
haha
the gals screaming as though they giving birth.
yah.
THEY.
if i am nt wrong there were 2 couples.